Have you ever had a oneitis? I know that I certainly have, and it is not a fun thing to have. Having a oneitis can be one of the most difficult things for men to get over, but if you follow these quick three tips, you will be getting over your oneitis in no time.
First of all however, what causes oneitis? Let’s dissect this topic more in depth.
Oneitis is simply when a man has an overwhelming crush on a particular woman, who does not return his feelings in return. In other words, it’s when a man loves a woman very much, without even really knowing her.
This can be considered toxic, and is almost always a symptom of a larger underlying problem. So, what would that problem be, then?
What Causes Oneitis?
As Masculine Development puts it quite simply, oneitis is caused by neediness and an underlying problem.
Take a look at this quote from one of his recent articles, which is very high quality and good and in depth:
In short, a oneitis is when you’re absolutely desperate for a particular girl’s approval. You can’t sleep without her, you can’t eat without her, and you can’t breathe without her. No matter how hard you try, you just can’t stop thinking about her.
Psychologists would call this severe co-dependence. It’s when you’re entirely dependent on someone else for your internal validation.
When you’re obsessed over a girl, sometimes it can be hard to see things straight. You end up doing things that you would normally never do, and acting like a completely different man. It’s almost like having a oneitis hijacks your brain, and turns you into a different person.
For different men, a oneitis may take a different form. It may be your wife, your girlfriend, a girl you go to class with, or even a girl you’ve never met before. They all have one thing in common though: you feel as if you NEED her to be happy as a man.
In other words, oneitis is when you have severe co-dependence, in psychological terms.
But let’s go further. Just what causes oneitis?
What Causes Oneitis?
Again, as Masculine Development puts it very well, it’s because you do not have other things going on for you in your life.
As a man you must always be on your mission and on your purpose, and when you do not have these things, your sex life is going to suffer very poorly, and you are very susceptible to getting a oneitis.
Here is what he has to say:
This phenomena takes place for several reasons, which we will direct in this article. The fundamental reason that a man gets a “oneitis” however, is that he places far too much importance onto a single woman, that is out of line with what reality dictates.
In other words, it’s when you put the pussy on a pedestal. It’s when you think a woman is the end-all-be-all to every one of your problems. It’s when you idealize a woman, and fall in love with your idea of her, rather than the actual person herself.
Furthermore, there are several things which can leave a man vulnerable to this state of mind:
- Not having a firm, masculine purpose
- Lacking enough game to meet new women
- Not having a positive, emotionally healthy mindset
If any one of the previous three fundamentals are lacking, you will be susceptible to a oneitis. As we go through this article, we will discuss exactly why you need these things, and how to develop them if you haven’t already done so. For now, it’s important to realize just how critical they are. They are the bulwark against oneitis.
In order to overcome your oneitis, you must first recognize that there are two general areas which must be improved. The first is the inner, and the second is the outer. These are similar to inner and outer game, but they are not the same thing.
The “inner path” to getting over oneitis rests three things:
- Developing healthy beliefs towards women and life
- Discovering and letting go of past trauma
- Learning to love yourself
The “outer path” to getting over oneitis also rests in three things:
- Learning enough game to have options in who you date
- Developing an exciting life that you’re passionate about
- Developing an external emotional ecosystem to keep you satisfied
I have personally experienced many oneitis’ in my life, and let me tell you that these lessons were very hard earned. In fact, you’ll probably think that you’re “over her” and that you’ve “cured your oneitis” only to find that a few months later, you’re in the same situation as you were before.
Life is a series of taking chances, making mistakes, and learning from those mistakes. You’ll often find that you have to repeat this pattern many times, before you learn, re-learn, and ultimately “fully learn” a lesson and it’s many, multi-faceted layers. This is one of them.
These two paths are, in many ways, inter-related. As you progress down the inner path, you will find that your outer path improves, and vice versa. Do not neglect one for the other, nor become a “purist” who thinks that only one path is the true way. In my experience, adhering to both paths simultaneously is the best option.
This is the underlying problem with oneitis and many other common dating problems.
Let’s go even further, however.
The Oneitis Cure
As much as I’m sure you will hate to hear this, there is no “one cure” for oneitis aside from focusing 100% on yourself as a man. This is why simply focusing on the underlying problem is often so effective when compared to tricks and gimmicks.
Take for example the idea of putting yourself first. When you do this, other girls will be drawn to you, because you have a strong masculine polarity. Think about it.
The purpose of men in nature is to be 100% focused on a task, whatever it is. Cutting wood, hunting, providing for the tribe… this was the purpose of men for thousands of years, and because of it, women are inexorably attracted to it.
How to Get Over Oneitis: Summary
The answer then, is quite simple. Put yourself first as a man, and focus on improving your own life before you try to get a woman.
Improve your health, your financial situation, and your happiness, and women will come.
I know you may not want to hear this, but if you have oneitis, this is what you need to hear.
Put yourself first, improve your own life, get good game, and women will be drawn to you like a bee to honey.